Over the last few months, on the boards at Hidden Frontier, I’ve seen a young man of 19 talk about how difficult it is for him living in a small town in Georgia and being gay. It seemed that every other day, he was falling in love with some boy (usually one not living in the same state as him) and then being dropped by that said boy.
Plus, after finally outing himself to his parents, he discovered that they were not the most open to their son being gay.
So, this past weekend, he came to SoCal for the Excelsior Ball. This was the first time in his entire life he had ever been out of his home state. The first time he was ever on a plane, as a matter of fact.
It was here that I learned he lacked certain social skills, mostly because he was home schooled. Plus, the whole culture shock probably made him act the way he did. He hung onto his boyfriend Daniel (who, while speaking over the phone and IM each other, this was the first time they met) like he was going to be swept away in a cold flood. JT had taken him to West Hollywood the day before, which seemed to shock him even more. Sex shops might not be the best place for a 19 year-old (one who is chronologically nineteen, but seems to have the intellectual level of a 15 year-old at best).
Anyway, he’s also stuck in that classic catch 22 at home; he cannot afford to live on his own if only because he works two jobs, one of which he never see’s the money (he works in his parents factory carpet business, and his paycheck is never given to him; it apparently goes to some “nebulas” support the household fund). His fast-food job is his what he really lives on. And goodness knows, even in Georgia, you cannot live on your own working fast-food only -as his parents have told him that if he chooses to leave home, he’ll no longer be working at the family business.
Since he returned, his parents have threatened to take away his computer and phone, so he cannot communicate with the outside world. And because he is so brow beat by them, he does not have the courage to do anything about it.
The few people that know his situation have offered help, but the child either does not understand what is being offered, or is so afraid to leave what has to be a very toxic state of affairs.
Plus, after finally outing himself to his parents, he discovered that they were not the most open to their son being gay.
So, this past weekend, he came to SoCal for the Excelsior Ball. This was the first time in his entire life he had ever been out of his home state. The first time he was ever on a plane, as a matter of fact.
It was here that I learned he lacked certain social skills, mostly because he was home schooled. Plus, the whole culture shock probably made him act the way he did. He hung onto his boyfriend Daniel (who, while speaking over the phone and IM each other, this was the first time they met) like he was going to be swept away in a cold flood. JT had taken him to West Hollywood the day before, which seemed to shock him even more. Sex shops might not be the best place for a 19 year-old (one who is chronologically nineteen, but seems to have the intellectual level of a 15 year-old at best).
Anyway, he’s also stuck in that classic catch 22 at home; he cannot afford to live on his own if only because he works two jobs, one of which he never see’s the money (he works in his parents factory carpet business, and his paycheck is never given to him; it apparently goes to some “nebulas” support the household fund). His fast-food job is his what he really lives on. And goodness knows, even in Georgia, you cannot live on your own working fast-food only -as his parents have told him that if he chooses to leave home, he’ll no longer be working at the family business.
Since he returned, his parents have threatened to take away his computer and phone, so he cannot communicate with the outside world. And because he is so brow beat by them, he does not have the courage to do anything about it.
The few people that know his situation have offered help, but the child either does not understand what is being offered, or is so afraid to leave what has to be a very toxic state of affairs.
This story makes me realize how lucky i am to have my mom. I know she won't care that I'm gay.
ReplyDeleteDavid,
ReplyDeleteFirst off, you are NOT mutantly tall. You are a nice looking guy, and have a great funny personality.
Second, I also talked to our young friend at the recent gathering. I felt as if I knew him from all his posts and requests for advice, etc. I agree, he was definitely a country mouse in the city... and he seem shell shocked a lot of the time. But everyone was very nice to him and his friend.
I share your concerns on how he will resolve the crazy issues in his life. Others have certainly done it, but it is not easy. Perhaps being with a supportive group of people last weekend (straight, bi, gay, etc.) he can see that not everything is as restrictive as his current situation and maybe he can find a better place for himself away from that.
I don't know the answer to this. If it were me, I would probably make the leap of faith and get out of rural Georgia and my oppressive family. For him, not sure.