The next day

He was eccentric, odd and probably damaged goods from his well documented childhood. He was also an extremely talented man, who entertained millions of all races and nationalities. His sudden loss -as death can be sometimes - has thrown many for a loop.

But for me, his death does not effect me in anyway. I’ve admired his talent, but was never a huge fan of his, even though his Jackson 5 days remain my favorite years. Those Motown times was, for me, were his best days. And like everyone, I too owned Thriller, but that was all.

Anyways, perhaps my dulled feelings are formed on the ghouls who’ve been out all day in search of his music, or any written word about him. Some would say it’s a tribute to him, to purchase his music today, even though forty-eight hours ago they would’ve never considered it. I just think its ghoulish.

It reminded me of when Princess Diana died, and all the mass of people who came out the next day to the book store in search of all those books about her life that most people considered trash and exploitive. You know the ones, the tomes that bordered and crossed over into expletiveness. Suddenly, after most thumbed their nose at them, they suddenly had to have them because she was dead.

We are an odd society in many ways. Over the last twenty years of his life, everyone has at one time or the other, snickered at his odd life style, and fun of his odd behavior. Some have ignored the media and the tabloids and have just concentrated on his music. Still, he was a man-boy in search of his lost childhood, and made way too many blunders in trying to get back to it. But, perhaps, he never realized that you could never go back, never change the past.

But to suddenly go out in search of CD’s, or to download songs off of iTunes at a rapid rate when just on June 24 you could careless is just...ghoulish. It’s the only word I can apply to it.

And on Monday, when all the weeklies begin publishing special issues, we’ll have people streaming in to the book store in search of them, trying to buy as much as possible (we sold out of all our newspapers today).

I’ve been catching some of the tributes to him on the networks and cable channels. One thing I’ve noticed was his desire to bring perfection to each of his performances, to each of his songs. One could say that was born in the years when he was growing up, when his father made sure the Jackson 5 were perfect. I like to think that most of that came from being a Virgo.

As one myself, we stride in the stereotypical way of trying to be perfect in everything we do. I understood those desires.

Of course, for many, buying his stuff now, 24 hours after his death is somehow a way to cope with his passing. I just don’t see it. Maybe I’m cynical. Or maybe, I just deal with reality better?

I just don’t know.

This and those

Here it is Thursday, and it's really the first time I can rethink these last few days. True, I had Tuesday night, but was so tired from the usual Tuesday work crap (new releases, the huge shipment) I just could not put words to screen.

On Saturday we finished up Frontier Guard, filmed a few sequences for another fan production starring former Hidden Frontier actor Dave Dial, and one for the Scottish series, Intrepid. Risha returned to film a scene as Shelby and I crossed over from Star Trek: Federation One to play Selek for Nick and his team. Then a party ensued, with a few fans like Rick and Chris coming from the East Coast for a visit. Then former Star Trek: Angeles actor Jason and boyfriend Kevin came in from Texas. Also on hand was Barbara, her husband Oz, JayTee and Adam, Frontier Guard star Corey, who brought along his very pretty girlfriend. Tim Foutch arrived, as well as PK, the other Chris (but he was there for the shoot, so that does not count). Rob's parents arrived and much fun was had with Becky, Kes, Dave Mason, Beo, and so many more. Fun night, though tiring.

Sunday brought another trip to Disneyland, where I bumped into Mason, Kes and their friend James (with his wife, whom I've forgotten her name and really cute baby, Nikki). I hung with them until Adam and JayTee arrived in the early afternoon. Another long day.

Originally, I was going to get over to JayTee's in the early morning (like 10 am) on Monday to help him with his little pod cast for Judas Kiss, but we both decided the night before at Disneyland, that maybe we should meet later in the day. I sort of slept in, but mostly just laid in bed watching the tube. Soon enough I got up, showered and headed to Silverlake. There we filmed some stuff for the pod cast that did not need Tim -as he was playing an intern hired to keep the office's of Blue Seraph nice and neat. Unfortunately, it appears Tim the Intern does not realize who JayTee really is. Hilarity ensues.

It was fun, and Rick Pike was there to help out as JayTee and Tim acted and I filmed them.

I got home late on Monday and went directly to bed, and began my ritual Tuesday regime at Borders: the new releases and changes to the front of store then the massive four pallets of merchandise. Tired as all hell by the time I got home on Tuesday. Too tired to say a thing.

But things were not finished yet, as yesterday, after work, I returned to Disneyland to meet up with Jenn, Katie (and husband Scott), Rick, Jason, Kevin, Kes and both Chris' for last half of their day at the happiest place on earth.

Kes, ever the thoughtful one, got me a fastpass for Tower of Terror, a ride she won't go on, but knows I like. Thanks for that, Kes.

So, spent many hours wandering around the park with these friends. Got home at midnight, and was awake by 6 am.

So, I'm tired, and have barley read my book all week long. 953 page book is not going to get done sooner if I don't work at it. Of course, look at me now, typing away when I could be reading. I do not the irony there.

But things with Rick are not done yet, as I'm joining them on Sunday for a trip to the beach. Don't know what beach or where, but none the less a relaxing Sunday at the ocean front sounds like a nice deal.

Bye to Ed, Farrah and MJ, BTW.

The three's continue...

And so does the latest chapter of my sometimes busy life...

Deep Something or other

With June Gloom set in here -and more so than usual - the days, while grown longer - have blended into one. It's interesting to note on how the days seem to pass like cars on the freeway, zooming towards a conclusion we all know is in our future.

It's what we do with the time, as they say, that makes us what we are. I'm not sure what I'll leave behind, but for some reason of late, it's been on my mind. Death is a part of life, and while for the longest time I've been afraid of it, these days I'm more comfortable with it. It's not to say that I still have issues with it, but since the loss of three close friends over the last eight months or so, I've come to understand that I need to do something to make this short life worth something.

Jamie was a person who packed a lot into her 32 years, and had a truism that speaks loudly. We should all, no matter what life throws at you, look at with defiance and try, oh so try, to accept it.

Jamie was a big girl, yet she never let that get in the way of enjoying life. She was this pixie girl who's energy an laughter exploded life a thousand splendid suns, and when you were with here, you could not help but feel the energy she gave off. She seemed to be able to lite that match under peoples arses.

Since she died, her philosophy -if you will - of her life outlook has made me think of what I should do with the rest of my life. I know there are many things I don't do, like enjoy spending time away from the house and doing things that make my days off worth it. Mostly it comes in the fear of spending money, feeling that if I do too much, I'll some how be punished for it. It's irrational to think that some entity is keeping track of how much I make and how much I spend then punish me when I'm having too much of a good time. The same way, I guess, that I'll be punished for being gay by a God or what not.

Still, I fear it (which seems to have overtaken, maybe, my fear of death). Spending money, that is. At times I think that fear is good, keeps me from doing wild things. But then I see others, who really have no fear, enjoying their life to the fullest. Sure they know that debt is bad, but they've decided to live their life and worry about the debt later. Some would call that short-sightedness, while others will say that in today's world, this is the only way to live.

Which comes to the next two weeks. I'm taking a vacation day on June 20 (that's another thing I need to get over, taking earned vacation days from work without feeling guilty. Most of the guilt come from forcing other people to do my work, though most of them have no guilt that they force me to their jobs when they call-out or take vacation days). Mostly its because we have one last day on the Frontier Guard shoot, and then we're having a wrap party being hosted by Rick, who's coming from the East Coast for a week to visit HF Productions. Sharon will be on her return flight from Italy with her husband, so I'll be finishing up directing, plus donning the Vulcan ears to play Selek for a cameo in an upcoming fan film production out side of Federation One. That still leaves me Sunday and Monday to do something. But since Rick will still be here, I'm going to try and spend time with him and who ever wants to tag along.

Also, the last week of June, I'm taking Saturday the 27th off. This will give me a three-day weekend of nothing to do, as filming on Odyssey will not resume until July 5. That weekend I want to do something, yet I don't know what. Such big ideas now, but we'll see what the next week brings.

Still, guilt and fear niggle at the back of my head like lose lug nut on a car wheel. Should I do something, spend money and forget about everything else. Even if the other proverbial shoe drops, should I just shrug and say that's life?

And that's where Jamie's life lessons can be applied, I guess. Maybe living life with the just do it attitude is better than worrying about what tomorrow might bring. We are taught, growing up, to fear things. We are taught that too much play is dangerous cocktail. But for me, too much worry has also become a dangerous drink. I need to find a balance between those two, you know?

Plus, I need to find someone to share my life with. I know now what is missing, and I think I understand why people marry. Love surely plays a part in it, but at the end of the day, its more companionship, more comfort that someone's there to get you through this existence. I'm missing that, and I want that. As much as I enjoy my solitude, I need another person to help me get through the rest of what time I've got left here.

And while I still don't know what lies beyond that "undiscovered country," I'm less afraid of it now. I still want to live to be 100, but I'll take what I can get.

Because when I go, I want to leave something here to show the world, or just my family and friends, that I was here and what I leave behind is just as important has what I do for the rest of it.

Morbid Monday comes to a close. Peace out.

Candy Everybody Wants

Good news, everyboby.

20th Century Fox has confirmed that Futurama will be back next year. The show, which had a recent resurrection on DVD with 4 feature-length titles, will produce 26 new episodes spread over two seasons.

The first half of those new episodes will begin airing on Comedy Central in mid 2010.

When Comedy Central began airing the original 72 episodes that aired on FOX, the show pulled in big ratings, by cable standards. Then deals were struck between the cable network and 20th Century to produce 16 new segments, or four interconnected episodes that were released on DVD as movies. The four sets sold extremely well, and Comedy Central aired them as 16 separate episodes. Ratings were good, apparently.

Since then, both 20th and Comedy Central have been kicking around ways to make a Futurama order make financial sense for both the studio and cable net.

While some cost cuts were made, mostly in the writing staff, along with a shorter delivery window, neither 20th or Comedy Central will make money. At first anyways. With these additional 26 episodes, it will bring the series over the magic 100 episode count (actually 113), which will enable 20th Century to syndicate the show more easily to off-network stations across the country and overseas. Plus, obviously, there will be more DVD box sets.

But, this is so cool.

What Jamie Dyer Dordek can teach you about life

The Huffington Post did a story on my late friend Jamie.

Check this out