IML

It's been six years since I went to the International Mr. Leather here in Chicago. While no where near a leather worshiper, I am turned on by the sex part of it. I know that I'm very vanilla when I do (the rare times this happens) have sex with another guy. Still, in the back of my head, I like to thinks could go beyond that phase. Gay porn -the standard everyday stuff, gets boring after awhile. Kristin Bjorn has great videos, filled with the hottest looking men in the world, and he films the best sex anywhere. However it does get predictable. The raunchy aspect of the leather set gets me going more than others. Watersports, leather daddies, twinks, and cum eating (taboo now in more conventional gay videos) just makes me feel, I don't know, more dirty? I have no guilt, but maybe its time to admit that this is what I like.

Still, the funny part is, most of these leather guys are around my age or older. While there are young guys and twinks who do it, leather really is an arena for guys who've grown bored with hairless pretty boys. And there in lies my problem. I like younger guys. 18 an older, and up to my age, I like. I usually get cruised by guys older than me. The guys who, shall we be honest, have settled and have let time take its toll. Sure there are some older guys I find attractive, but my tastes do go towards the twinks. The ironic part is, that most twinks have no conversational skills what so ever. While I have a problem with small talk, I always have a better time talking with guys around my age and older.

Maybe I should find a gay sci-fi/fantasy web site? Do they exist?

Anyway, I walked around the dealer room at IML, always impressed with what is out there. Sex is fun, and at least with these guys, its not clean and simple. For these guys, thread count of the sheets are not important (if sheets are even used). The sex is hot, dirty, wet and nasty as hell. You can have yourself whipped, pissed on, cummed on. You can have all sorts of "toys" attached to various body parts, the nipples, your penis and every where else the body tingles.

I don't find it a freak show, as some might. Its just another aspect of our sexuality -whether its straight or gay. I mean there were many straight people/couples who haunted the lower level of the Hyatt Hotel. For these, sex is a game, filled with many choices both fun and squeamish. It's about what turns you on, really.

But for some, this is nothing more than a breeding ground for HIV and AIDS. And there are plenty of booths that make sure you should have safe sex and even some for people addicted to Crystal Meth, a scourge that many in the gay community ignore (but, I've been told by a few friends, that if you don't do drugs, sex is boring).

In the end, though, it a fun time to kill a few hours, seeing how the "other half" lives. Who knows, maybe someday, I can actually join in, versus buying the videos.

But, I think I'm too skinny. Plus, suffering from pectus excavatum (commonly called funnel chest), keep me from fully exploring a dark side that resides in me.

Woes of the Buffyverse

When The WB canceled Angel in February 2004, a lot of fans felt it was a mistake. After all, it was the frog networks 2nd most popular show. Still, they were planning a remake of Dark Shadows and Lost in Space for the 2004-2005 TV season, so they felt they did not need two vampire shows and space opera. But when both pilots failed to make it, it became clear that the WB probably had made a mistake in pulling the plug on the vampire detective. They went even so far as to makel fans know- maybe- an Angel TV movies could be made. But over the last year, Joss Whedon’s shut down his TV arm of Mutant Enemy to concentrate on the big screen verison of his FOX show Firefly and begin work on Warner Bros. version of Wonder Woman. Still, rumors have persisted that there will be a movie. But since Sarah Michelle Geller is off doing The Grudge 2 and David Boreanaz returning in a new FOX series in the fall (along with other fellow alumni, see below) who would return? Well, the one potential returnee to the Buffyverse might be Spike. This telemovie idea has been around since Angel got the ax, but the WB has been resistant to confirm any possible movement on it. At the recent Upfronts, TV Guide’s Mike Ausiello asked the WB president David Janollari about its fate. Well, Janollari insisted a William the Bloody telepic was most definitely not a lost cause, adding that it remains a "project of interest" for him. Asked what was holding it up, he told Ausiello that Joss Whedon has yet to pick up the phone to discuss the matter with him. But back in March Whedon hinted to the TV Guide reporter that he was thisclose to putting some feelers out to Janollari about Spike. Long story short: the ball's in Joss' court, folks.

With the 2005-06 season somewhat settled, look for a few former Buffy The Vampire Slayer and Angel cast member to return to TV. Alyson Hannigan -Willow the witch - will star in the CBS comedy How I Met Your Mother, a comedy about an older couple from the future who tell their children stories of how they got together, via flashbacks to 2005. Amy Acker, Fred from Angel, returns with a midseason actioner The Unit, from wordsmith David Mamet. Buffy’s Xander (Nicholas Brendon) is back as one crew of cooks in FOX TV’s loose adaptation of Anthony Bourdain’s Kitchen Confidential. Also on FOX, Angel star David Boreanaz returns as an investigator who believes the science of crime solving is not all in Bones. But he’s teamed up with a female forensic anthropologist who has a knack for solving old crimes, in this darkly comic series. It is based on real-life novelist Kathy Reichs colorful medical career.

Sith soars

One of the main goals of Revenge of the Sith was to make it all fit together. The last film of the prequel series, writer/director George Lucas needed to make sure everything would connect to A New Hope and beyond. In that respect, Episode III achieves its motives.

By far the best of the current three films, Revenge is a slickly produced film and while the acting has improved, the Velveeta cheesy dialogue remains. I understand what Lucas was doing in both The Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones; he was telling an epic tale of how a democracy can be easily manipulated into a dictatorship. He needed those two films to explain all that would happen in Revenge and beyond. And I accept that his direction to be uninspired, and his words a bit silly and embarrassing. Like I said, it’s an epic tale, so who really cares if Jake Lloyd’s acting is awful, or Hayden Christensen’s petulant teen Anakin is wooden? It is and always was about the story (an one that now seems to parallel our current war situations -the Jedi as liberal freedom fighters under siege from a republic that sees in absolutes).

Revenge wins on most counts, as the action never lets up, and the visuals more impressive than the two previous. Where it blunders for me, is Anakin’s fall to the Dark Side. His motives for turning seem muddled and not logical. While Palpatine was the ever doubtful voice in the back of Anakin’s head, it seems so unrealistic that it took the death of Mace Windu to trigger his complete fall. On screen it looks like it was a rushed decision (which maybe another example of young people hastening into things with out weighing the consequences), and seems almost unbelievable. Padmé’s death also struck a wrong chord with me, seeing that there was no clear understanding of her injuries.

But these quibble don’t ruin the film for me, as it cosmically connects the dots that will eventually lead up to Episode IV. I loved the recreation of Tantive IV -the rebel blockade runner from opening of A New Hope, Obi Wan picking up Anakin’s lightsaber after their battle (so he could pass it onto Luke) and the ever subtle notion that (somewhat) explains Anakin’s miracle birth.

The movie is dark and violent, which makes some up for some of short comings in its dialogue. Anakin’s battle with Obi Wan is frightening and well done and images of his burned body, all his limbs now gone, is a horrifying view. Ultimately, the film works better as a prequel than the previous two, if only because this was for many fans, the only explanation they needed to understand the rise of Darth Vader. Phantom Menace and Attack of Clones, while deserving chapters in their own right in telling a story of how one lovable, sweet boy becomes this evil, twisted giant of nightmare, they are, ultimately, too much filler (which Lucas admits too, saying at 60% of the prequel’s ideas are seen in Revenge, with the other 40% split between Phantom and Attack).

But it’s George Lucas’ film, and he makes them to make him happy. The first two films were experiments, in a way. How much of his imagination can really come true. As far as he can see, he succeed. And in the end, that’s what really matters to him.

Death in the family

I had to have my cat Cleo put down last night. At 14 1/2, she was suffering from kidney failure and had lost so much weight in such a short period of time. The best I can guess, she had not eaten food for well over a week.

I got Cleo 4 1/2 years ago from my cousin. They had two cats and a son. Cleo was skittish of their son but Princess didn't find Jordan annoying her. Just before my cousin and his wife had their second child, Princess died. Now Cleo, who would spend hours hiding from Jordan until he went to bed, would want to play. But with a new baby and all, it was too hard to keep Cleo happy.

I'm not a cat person. I love dogs. But, I could not see Cleo being put down or going elsewhere, so I agreed (along with my landlord) that I could take her. At first it was difficult for both of us. Me, who had lived all alone over the years, and Cleo in a new, much smaller house.

But she somehow got into my heart. I will miss her meowing, her sleeping on my chest when I watch TV, her tendancy to bug me when I'm on the phone or typing at the computer. I will miss her more than I ever thought I would.

Would I get another cat? Probably not. But life is funny. And at the end, very sad.

I held her, and cried like I never thought I would, as she slipped away. I will treasure that. I may not have been there when she entered into this world, but I was glad I was here when she drifted out.

Genre TV 2

FOX will keep 24 for two more years, but like this season, it will not return until January. They keep their animation block of King of the Hill, The Simpsons, American Dad and Family Guy. Former Angel star David Boreanaz returns to TV in a darkly comic series called Bones, which is about a forensic anthropologist, and is based on real-life novelist Kathy Reichs medical career. Provided the show does not tank by winter, it will benefit from the lead in of American Idol, which also returns in January. Kitchen Confidential returns former Buffy star Nicholas Brendon in a comedy based loosely on the best selling book by chef Anthony Bourdain. Finally, UPN -for the first time in it’s ten year existence -offers no genre programming after canceling the anemic Star Trek: Enterprise. Still, they did bring back Veronica Mars. But that maybe the only thing worth watching, but it’s up against Lost. So watch it while you can, folks.

The return of Genre TV

With all the 6 major networks facing declining ratings -even for the popular reality programs - NBC has suffered the most, tumbling down to fourth place. And while reality programs remain thier bread and butter, the networks are finally bringing back genre shows, though as these fall schedules unwind, they are up against some established, and very heavy-hitters. NBC has added a new sci-fi themed show called "Fanthom" to Mondays and what the peacock network calls "an ambitious action-adventure about a mysterious new form of sea life that begins to appear in oceans all over the earth." "Medium", its "real-life" procedural physic/cop show and a huge midseason hit got an early pick-up this spring and will return for a second year. Überproducer Jerry Bruckheimer will launch "E-Ring", a Pentagon based action/adventure series on Wednesday, bumping the aging "West Wing" (and probably, last season) to Sunday. While "Scrubs" is not genre based, it is one the funniest sitcoms (along with "Arrested Development") on TV and uses a lot of fantasy dream sequences. While it was given an early renewal back in February, NBC has decided to hold the series until winter (along with aging "Fear Factor"). Gone is the expensive CGI produced, but ultimately boring, "Father of the Pride", "Medical Investigation" and "Revelations". Meanwhile, the network will return to movies on Saturday and will probably air these movies then: a sequel to "10.5" called, "10.5: The Apocalypse" and a three-hour remake of "The Poseidon Adventure". Meanwhile, ABC flushed with the success of "Lost" (which remains on Wednesday, but moves to 8pm) and "Desperate Housewives" with Emmy winner Alfre Woodardwill ("Star Trek: First Contact") joining the cast, will add the sci fi themed "Invasion" from Shaun Cassidy ("American Gothic", "Roar")on Wednesday at 9pm. The series is about odd things that begin to happen in a Florida town after a violent hurricane. After years of trying to avoid scheduling anything big on Thursday -as every network did not want to go up against NBC’s once powerful "must see" lineup, both ABC and The WB are taking an either bold moves, or looking to dump some shows real quick as they take on the new powerhouse of CBS. "Alias" jumps to Thursday at 7pm (now opposite FOX’s "The O.C." and CBS’ "Survivor" and NBC’s quickly fading "Joey" and "Will & Grace") followed by "The Night Stalker" (opposite NBC’s "Apprentice" and CBS’ "CSI") from former "The X-Files" writer/producer Frank Spotnitz and starring Stuart Townsend ("Queen of the Damned"), which is a remake of the cult classic 1970's series. The alphabet network also has two procedural dramas for midseason starring some genre favorites. Orlando Jones ("Time Machine") and Martin Landau ("Space: 1999")will star in "The Evidence". "In Justice" will have former "Twin Peaks" star Kyle MacLachlan as a lawyer who helps get innocent people out of jail. Like the Peacock network, ABC will stick to movies on Saturday night where one movie will be the 4-hour remake of "The Ten Commandments". The WB will pick up the new Tuesday drama "Supernatural" starring Jensen Ackles ("Samallville") and Jared Padalecki ("Gilmore Girls", "House of Wax") and its about two estranged brothers who encounter unusual ghosts and local creatures straight out of American folk lore and urban legends during a road trip from San Francisco back home to Los Angeles and go on an adventure in order to track down the forces responsible for their mother's murder 20 years earlier. The WB feels there might be a chance to claim a foothold onto Thursday and will move "Smallville" their for its fifth (and probably last) season along with "Everwood", while the unkillable "Charmed" was picked up for season eight (though this will be its final year)and will remain on Sunday. CBS’ answer to NBC’s "Medium" is called "The Ghost Whisperer", a new drama that leads off Friday from "real-life" physic James Van Praagh and stars Jennifer Love Hewitt as a newlywed who can communicate with the dead. That show then goes into "Threshold" from David Heyman ("Harry Potter") and David Goyer ("Blade: Trinity") and starring Brent Spiner ("Star Trek: The Next Generation") and is about how the government responds to an alien threat. From buzz-to-bust "Joan of Arcadia" was cancelled. Waiting in the wings is "The Unit", a special covert agency that goes on undercover missions to save, you know, the world. It stars genre vets Dennis Haysbert ("24", "Now and Again") and Robert Patrick ("The X-Files").

Lost, on an empty sky

As I continue into month four of unemployeement, I wonder why I can't get a job. Well, I still work part-time at Borders, but my hours have been cut and that eats into what I can do (cause I still have unemployement insurance coming in.

Been on many interviews, but I seem to missing something in them. I realize one thig, I am a chatty-Kathy. I reveal too much. But I'm 42, I lived a hard life, I know a lot of shit, yet the one thing I've never learned is play the game of buiness. I step up when I see things are illogical, and am one not to sit back and just take it. Disruptive employee is something I've never considered myself. I just like thinking logical. But the buiness world works with mutated mathematics, linear logic and tight sphincters.

And because its fear that drives every decision it makes. The only thing that trumps fear is greed; if you can make a buck at it, fear goes away. But what triumps over greed is stupidity. And in my experience, stupidity wins the day.

And because I know this, I fear this is what prevents me from getting even a semi-good job. I just don't know how to cover that, or let alone, let it not become obsessive in my life.

Oh, well, I will find something. It just may take me to relocate to find it. I love the West coast, and I want to live there.