Books: Money For Nothing By Donald E. Westlake (2003)

"Josh Redmont was 27 when the first check arrived, and he had absolutely no idea what it was for. Issued by "United States Agent" through an unnamed bank with an indeterminate address in D.C., someone seemed to think Josh was owed $1,000. One month later, another check arrived, and then another, and another...and Josh cashed them all. Month after month, year after year, never a peep from the IRS, never an explanation for all this seemingly found money; the checks even followed Josh from one address to another as he moved through life. Now, after a full seven years, we find him on his way to meet the wife and kids for a summer vacation. Puzzled by the approach of a smiling stranger, Josh's stomach seizes with dread when the unwanted greeting begins with, "I am from United States Agent." Dumbstruck, Josh attempts to feign ignorance until he hears the words, "You are now active."

Money For Nothing would be Westlake’s final non-series novel released in his lifetime, five years before his passing on New Year’s Eve 2008. Also, certain Westlake scholars believe this book also “constitutes the tenth and final ‘Nephew’ book, though with so many variations on the basic formula as to render it almost unrecognizable.” As FredFitch at The Westlake Review further notes “To some extent it is an attempt to blend elements from the two of his weakest books–his first comic caper, Who Stole Sassi Manoon?, and his first major attempt at satire, I Gave At The Office (the seventh Nephew)”

I’ve only read Who Stole Sassi Manoon?, and still hunting down a reasonably priced version of I Gave At The Office, so we’ll see.

But yes, this book works for various reasons, but on the whole, it’s sort of flat with a storyline seen many times in both movies and TV. Also, I’m curious why this book was written in the third person, as it might’ve worked better in first person. Then is the novel suppose to serious or funny? Yes, there are some serious situations, especially towards the end, but there are other serious parts sprinkled out through the book. Then there are some situations by some of the characters that are very funny and often reminded me of the early John Dortmunder tales when the “villains” were non-Americans and had little grasp of idioms and social cues.

Surprisingly, since this was released in 2003, there is zero reference to 9/11, which was probably a conscious point on Westlake, because the gist of the book deals with Ukrainian terrorist (which seems odd today)  and a planned assassination at Yankee’s Stadium. There is also a sequence that takes place in LTP area of JFK that seemed out place –the area would’ve probably had some security coverage and CCTV cameras by 2003. So it’s possible this novel is set before 9/11 (and maybe written well before, as well, but that doesn’t explain why someone like Josh does not have a mobile phone, but they use the internet with a powerful search engine. Maybe these were things Westlake had little use of?)

There is one bit of brilliant satire here, when Josh is trying to piece everything together and ends up going to a book reading at (the real) Westsider Books in New York. The description of the writer of fantasy series (and his fans) now in its seventh volume sort of resembles George R.R. Martin. But Westlake’s snarky vibe of the whole thing is pretty spot on.  

Anyways, not a terrible Westlake crime novel but not all will like like due to its sometimes slow pacing, almost no action, with humor that does not hit all the marks.

Books: Icerigger by Alan Dean Foster (1974)

“Following a criminal kidnapping gone wrong, Ethan Frome Fortune, a simple salesman and sophisticated interstellar traveler, finds himself stranded on the alien, deadly frozen world of Tran-Ky-Ky. With him are professional adventurer/soldier of fortune Skua September, the interstellar tycoon and his daughter who were the targets of the kidnapping, a vacationing schoolteacher, and the sole surviving kidnapper. They survive the frigid conditions and indigenous flora and fauna in their wrecked lifeboat long enough to be rescued by representatives of the local feudal government – who are facing a crisis of their own. Their arrival, and the fantastic wealth represented by the worked metal of their lifeboat, has coincided with an upcoming visit of The Horde. This nomadic swarm descends on various city-states every one-to-two years, exacting tribute as the price for not destroying their community... while rampaging through it. This time, the locals have decided to put up a fight.”

ICERIGGER, after 50 years, is solid novel, from accident to discovery to getting to know the locals and get into fisticuffs with them to fighting barbarian hoards. However, despite the traditional sci-fi cover, this first book in a trilogy plays out like high fantasy. 

I must note that at one time, the now 77 year-old Foster used to be a competitive weight-lifter, and like most of them, they take on contempt for those who don’t fit their own standards. This is notable because Foster created an intelligent female protagonist who is significantly overweight. This seemed to break the mold of these male-centric written novels where the smart women are also very beautiful. But like what Donald E. Westlake did in a recent novel I read, Foster seems mainly interested in telling fat joke. While in 1974 this probably played well with the readers, in 2024, it’s a bit off-putting.

It’s definitely cheesy, pulp, and one of Foster’s earliest works – I think his second novel after 1972’s The Tar-Aiym Krang. While he remains well-know writer, for most people it’s his long association with movie and TV tie-in novels, that started with DARK STAR (1974), THE BLACK HOLE (1979), and adapting all the episodes of STAR TREK: THE ANIMATED SERIES (1974-1978). His association with that franchise continued with a story credit for 1979’s STAR TREK: THE MOTION PICTURE, as well as adapting the first two films in the rebooted film series, STAR TREK (2009) and STAR TREK INTO DARKNESS (2013). He also penned an original novel set within this new timeline, THE UNSETTLING STARS (2020). That book, however, was delayed over a decade due to issues with BAD ROBOT and their vision for the rebooted franchise. After 2016’s lackluster STAR TREK BEYOND, and with no new film set within the Kelvin timeline coming anytime soon, this book finally saw the light of day. 

Foster was also the ghostwriter of the original novelization of STAR WARS (1977), which was credited solely to George Lucas. He also wrote the follow-up novel SPLINTER OF THE MIND’S EYE (1978), written with the intention of being adapted as a low-budget sequel to STAR WARS if the film was unsuccessful. That obviously changed when the film took off and they went in a different story direction, because Foster's novel relied heavily on abandoned concepts that appeared in Lucas's early treatments for the first film. His association with STAR WARS continued in later years, penning THE APPROACHING STORM (2002) and adapting the first film of the sequel trilogy in 2015.

Beyond the STAR TREK and STAR WARS universe, he’s adapted TERMINATOR: SALVATION film, four TRANSFORMER novels, ALIEN, ALIENS, ALIEN 3, and ALIEN: COVENANT; multiple standalone film novelizations that include CLASH OF THE TITANS (1981), OUTLAND (1981), THE THING (1981), KRULL (1983), THE LAST STARFIGHTER (1984), STARMAN (1984), PALE RIDER (1985), ALIEN NATION (1988), and THE CHRONICLES OF RIDDICK (2004).

He also has well over 70 original novels, which ICERIGGER is the first in a trilogy (set early within his Humanx Commonwealth universe that most of those books take place in) of tales. 

Books: Conclave By Robert Harris (2016)

“The pope is dead. Behind the locked doors of the Sistine Chapel, one hundred and eighteen cardinals from all over the globe will gather to cast their votes in the world’s most secretive election. They are holy men. But they are not immune to the human temptations of power and glory. And they are not above the tribalism and factionalism that consumes humanity. When all is said and done, one of them will become the most powerful spiritual figure on Earth.”

I found Conclave a bit unputdownable, if that can be used. I’m not much of a Catholic anymore, or have much belief in God, but I approached this much more as a thriller than anything else. And it doesn’t disappoint, because we’ve seen in many books, TV, and movies what the acquiring of, the exercising of and the inevitable corrupting effects of what power brings. And we should not be shocked or surprised that in Universal Church, power and corruption is, well, universal. I’ve read only one other Harris novel, The Ghost, back in 2008, yet like that book, here he once again writes how easily things can be become undone. The idea of electing a new Pope seems easy, but here, those things become entangled like weeds in a garden.

Still, people are just people; they’re flawed, delusional, and filled with hypocrisy. They might be all dressed up in fancy dresses, but this is the only way a melodrama like can work. And work it does.

There is a movie version of this novel due in November, starring Ralph Fiennes, Stanley Tucci, John Lithgow, and Isabella Rossellini as Sister Agnes. It took me a while to figure out why Fiennes is playing Cardinal Lawrence in the film (I saw the trailer and looked up the details online), and not Cardinal Jacopo Baldassare Lomeli as in the novel. The Dean of the College of Cardinals is described as an Italian in the book and Fiennes is obviously English, so instead of him putting on would probably be a terrible accent, the producers chose to rename him. Also, I can assume Sister Agnes role will be beefed up a bit, because you don’t get Rossellini for such a small, yet pivotal, role in the novel.

Books: Trust Me On This By Donald E. Westlake (1988)

“Sara Joslyn is fresh from journalism school and ready to take on the world. Unfortunately, she has to settle for the galaxy—the Weekly Galaxy, to be precise, the sensational gossip rag where no low is too low, and no story is too outlandish to print. From finding a dead body in a car before she even finds her desk to making her bones by interviewing a pair of one-hundred-year-old twins (never mind that one of them is dead) and jockeying for brownie points against a crew of ruthless fellow reporters who will do literally anything to make the front page, Sara soon learns the ropes—how to climb them, and how to use them to strangle the competition. But when Sara gets tapped to cover the clandestine wedding of TV idol Johnny Mercer, she will have to fight tooth and nail—and pen—for every scoop and picture if she wants to stay at the top of the bottom.”

While I read Baby, Would I Lie, the sequel to Trust Me on This first, I found this one more enjoyable. Here, Westlake set’s his satirical eye on the tabloids, those newspapers like trash that most people peruse through while waiting at the check-out at the Walmart. Back in the 80’s when they were at their height of popularity, they sold millions of copies, with 99.9% all stories being somewhat made up. Today they’re still here, but more “respectable” glossy magazines like PEOPLE and US WEEKLY sell even more, even with some of the same lies and made-up articles.

Trust Me on This starts out like a typical murder mystery. There's a dead body at the beginning, clues salted in the middle, and a solution at the end. But this is a Westlake novel, so the mystery eventually becomes the least important part of the book. It really turns into another comic caper novel about a group of tabloid reporters –who have convinced themselves that they have a right to invade the privacy of the stars they profile; despite all the amoral aspect they need to do by manipulating a story- that are trying to cover the wedding of a TV superstar on Martha’s Vineyard.

The satire is right on, but since this book is nearly 40 years old, it’s one drawback to wider acclaim is that, like I mentioned in Cop Hater, the first 87^th Precinct novel released in 1956, is how these reporters need to gather their information. It’s archaic and difficult to see that no one had mobile phones; they had to use payphones, no internet, no Google.

But that’s a minor distraction, really. Westlake has always been great at showing his readers ruthless people and enjoys poking fun at the hoops they need to leap through to get a job done, and Trust Me on This really shines a bright light on journalism integrity –or lack thereof. I mean, you can replace the printed words of these tabloids with cable “news” channels like FOX and CNN and get the same sort of dirty feelings from them.