11 May 2009

For Jamie

This makes no sense. When Marc called and explained what had happened, I sat in the chair in the living room not really understanding what he was saying. I mean, it took a few minutes to sink in. I had to finally stand up and ask him if he was joking, if he was pulling my leg. No this could not be true.

Jamie Dyer Dordek died on May 10, 2009.

It started, it seems, with her twisting an ankle on her last day in Dublin. From all accounts, this business trip to Europe was a success, as she posted many happy pictures on her Facebook page. But -as always - hindsight is 20/20. Instead of seeing a doctor before she flew back to the states, she left. From what I’ve heard, an blood clot formed in her ankle, which apparently traveled (and coming home in an airplane probably made it worse) to her heart, where she went into heart failure on Sunday -Mother’s Day of all days to leave this mortal coil.

Some how, I’ve tumbled into the Twilight Zone, cause there is no way Jamie is gone. How could this beautiful, thirtysomething, vibrant girl who I’ve known for the last 12 years be dead? How could this girl with the infectious laugh, with a handsome, lovable husband and two adorable pugs have left the world today?

I feel like Sally Field at the end of Steel Magnolias, crying why? I wanna know why Jamie’s life is over. I want to know why she’s not here any more. Because I’m so mad right now, I don't know what to do, what to say to people. I do want to hit something. What will Andrew do, now that his beloved, his soul mate, is no longer here? Why does the world take away the best, the happiest, the brightest, sharpest people and leave us with killers, and miserable, hateful people (and I’m speaking rhetorically here)?

(And what are the odds that I would lose three Borders co-workers in the last 6 to 8 months. First my old GM, Miriam, back in the fall to a heart attack, and then Pete -who took his own life - just before Thanksgiving. And now Jamie. This is such a bizarre, hyper reality world, right now. I know its coincidence, but I feel I’m being stalked by death, that it’s taking a piece of me one part at a time).

My heart breaks for Andrew, her husband. Here is a man who has the heart and soul as big as the universe, who never seemed to be angry and always was a gas to be with. He is the best friend any LGBT could ever have, and never seemed to care that Jamie and Marc where the Jack and Karen of TV’s Will and Grace (as pointed out in their shared blog -From ORD to LAX -they were “best friends separated by 2000 miles with only the internet to keep them together. These are their bitchy, catty, snotty, endearing, love letters to each other”). I’m sure Andrew had to roll his eyes at some Jamie and Marc’s antics over the years, but he loved her more, I think, because of her relationship with Marc.

And for my friend Marc, who has lost his best friend in the whole wide world. My heart also aches for him, but I’m comforted by the fact he was here in LA when all of this came down. Here for a vacation with boyfriend Brad, they came in on Thursday, flying into Santa Barbara when it was a blaze - I guess, one could see this was the beginning of a horrifying vacation. Yet he got to spend time with her, got to be with her. I’m comforted a bit by that.

I know she’s not really gone, and as long as we remember her, she’ll live on. And I’ll remember her for the rest of my life, but this all makes no sense.

No fucking sense what so ever.

1 comment:

The Semi-Pro Chef said...

I am so sorry for your loss. May Jamie rest in peace, and my heart goes out to her husband and family and friends.