30 August 2006

California: One year later...

One year ago today, I arrived in California.

A whole year has gone by. The thing is, my life has really not changed too much. Still working for Borders, still trying to live paycheck-to-paycheck, still single -with no boyfriend prospects on the horizon.

I'm happy, in some ways. There are only a few minutes of a day that I miss Chicago and the family. I certainly don't miss the weather -especially last Thanksgiving when it was 70 here and 2 below in Antioch.

True it gets hot here -and it is a dry heat (lol) - but its so much better than the wickedly humid days and bitter cold I grew up with there.

And since February, I've been working with the Hidden Frontier crew, which is such a huge bonus, I can't even say. Rob and his crew have been so supportive and so kind and have honored me by allowing this boy to play in their toy box.

But I would be lying if I said I'm more happier here than in Chicago. I guess, I even hoped, that by now I would have a new job making -realistically - the same amount I was when USG fired me in January '05.

But as the song goes, God just laughs at my plans. I seemed doomed to live a dull, prosaic life filled with fears of not being able to buy food or pay the rent. What did I do in a past life that I'm paying for now?

I know this woe is me bullshit is not pretty, and I know there are many, many people worst off than me -like most of the Katrina victims from one year ago, and the handicapped and the real poor - but why can't I just find a fairly decent job that can take away these worries?

Sure, I sleep fine, but my stress level continues to go up, as my hair continues to fall out, and get grayer. I want to have a life such as Rob and my friend Marc back in Chicago. Where everything they touch turns to gold -and with no effort what so ever.

Why can't I?

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